Lost Recaps

The most hysterical Lost Recap Blog

Crack Squirrels (I kid you not)

Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/10/10/london_squirrel_terror/

Crack-crazed squirrels terrorise South London
By Lester Haines
Published Monday 10th October 2005 09:56 GMT
Stop us if you've heard this one: crack-addicted squirrels are terrorising Brixton in Sarf London in a desperate search for a fix, eschewing their traditional nuts and digging up residents' front gardens in what appears to be a credible zoological threat to the Yardies' hard-drug hegemony.

Yup, crack dealers and addicts have apparently taken to burying their stashes in people's gardens in the streets around the centre of Brixton after a police clampdown drove them from the thriving commercial heart of the popular London district. Locals have spotted squirrels digging in the same gardens, prompting speculation that they are already addicted to rocks and will in due course take up semi-automatic weapons and launch a violent challenge for the whole trade in illicit narcotics, as is the local custom.


One fearful resident, who asked not to be named, told Life Style Extra: "I was chatting with my neighbour who told me that crack users and dealers sometimes use my front garden to hide bits of their stash. An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds. It looked like it knew what it was looking for. It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot but it kept on desperately digging. It was almost as if it was trying to find hidden crack rocks."

The RSPCA said it had no reports of the "Brixton Crack Squirrel", but did not completely dismiss the idea. A spokeswoman said: "We have not had any dealers reporting the theft of their stash by squirrels but the animal is attracted by smell and if it detects something it likes it will dig it up. If a squirrel did open a bag of crack and start consuming it there is no doubt it would die pretty quickly. I suspect that nobody has reported it because they are a wild animal and when they are found dead no-one cares."

That's right - just another junkie off the streets, permanently.

But hold a minute: this fearful tale bears an uncanny resemblance to reports knocking about on the internet of similar cocaine-fuelled squirrels menacing New York and Washington DC. Urban myth or chilling portent? After all, it's a small step from crack squirrels to flocks of PCP-demented pigeons descending Hitchcock-style on the World's major centres of population. Consider yourselves warned. ®

Related stories

I have a fever

and the only cure is






more cowbell!

Demitri Martin

I love this dude

Total Cat Replacement

Sick but funny.

How True...

How true...

I can't wait til I have a job with this kind of leisure time...

http://www.buffalonews.com/182/story/69516.html

Okay, this is wrong on so many levels...

"Prague today is a far cry from the Prague of Franz Kafka, who died in 1924 of tuberculosis. In Kafka’s day, Prague was a city of shadows and threats, especially in its Jewish ghetto. Today it is a tourist Mecca where you can take a Kafka tour, buy a Kafka T-shirt, eat at the Kafkateria, or have your hair done at the Metamorphosis Beauty Salon. Both Pragues can now be seen as furiously cross-hatched ink drawings in the book “Kafka,” written by dramatist David Zane Mairowitz and brilliantly illustrated by comics artist Robert Crumb, best known as the pioneer of underground comics and inventor of such products of American bad acid as Snoid, Flakey Foont, Eggs Ackly, Fritz the Cat and Mister Natural."




http://www.buffalonews.com/201/story/69663.html


Kafkateria? Really?

This movie never gets old

A jive to English Dictionary is always handy.

A day at the Office

I love this show:

Happy Mission Accomplished Day!

Today is the forth Anniversary of the day that Bush declared an end to major combat operations in Iraq.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mission_Accomplished